Archives for posts with tag: grammar police

I know I haven’t been campaigning very hard lately.   It’s been too hot to think about politics, although that hasn’t stopped the big kids from crisscrossing the country.   I am wondering if it’s worth a summer in Washington DC to get that pension and health care.  But a public servant does have to make sacrifices.

Just in case you’ve forgotten what my platform is, and I hope you haven’t because I can’t remember some of it, I’ll list them.

  1.  Grammar shall be taught in all public schools and remedial classes established for those no longer in school.  No one may become a journalist or commentator unless they have passed this course and know when to use an objective pronoun.  That goes for sports announcers, too.
  2. Forget vouchers and the Affordable Health Care act.  We need cradle to grave national health.  I really don’t think it would cost more.  After all, Medicare kicks in just when we’re getting old enough to be paying the price for 65 years of high living and not paying attention to our health.  Wouldn’t it be better to let everyone have a free physical every year so that we could prevent things like diabetes, blocked arteries and cancer?  This is so self-evident that I don’t understand why everyone isn’t on board with it.
  3. By popular demand, men shall have the same control over their reproductive organs as women.  This includes having to spend a month in sole charge of a two-year-old before getting Viagra.  They should also have to prove publicly that they need it.
  4. Tax money should be put in at the bottom.   We all know that the rich just get richer so I believe that the rest of us should have some fun with it before it gets to them.  This is another thing that makes complete sense to me.  Those who think more jobs will be created if we give money to the wealthy just aren’t thinking logically, unless they mean in the service industry – butlers, chauffeurs and maids.  But, if poor people get money, they buy things like TVs, cars and hardcover books.  That’s what creates jobs.


That’s all I’ve come up with so far.  Now, someone explained to me recently that they didn’t want the government to be in charge of these things because “they always screw it up”.  I’ve thought long and hard about this and finally found the flaw in his argument.  Actually TWO flaws.  The first is that this man wants to let the same multinational companies that stole pensions, wrecked the housing industry and are polluting the planet to be in charge of our health, education and welfare.  In response to a letter of complaint I sent to Mobil Oil some time ago, the company informed me that it didn’t make moral decisions.  Other companies have made it clear by their actions that they are also amoral.  So why does this guy trust them to do what’s best for him and do it better than the government?

Which brings me to the second logical flaw; WE ARE THE GOVERNMENT.  I may not seem like it sometimes, but everyone who votes is part of the government.  If we elect crooks then it’s our own fault.  But at least we can vote them out, if we care enough.   I have voted in every primary, general and local election since I turned 21.  There were a lot of depressing results but I still had a chance to cancel out the vote of someone who obviously didn’t understand the issues as clearly as I did.

So, while I really want you to vote for me, if only in the interest of improving the quality of English spoken in the country, the main thing is for you to vote.  If we don’t remember that we are each a part of the government, then one day we won’t be.  America will officially become an oligarchy instead of a republic.