Archives for posts with tag: lobbyists


One of the best things about being in the Senate is having lobbyists pay for all your meals.  I realized that I didn’t understand the process much and so I did a bit of research

I was fascinated to hear on NPR the other day that the NFL spends $10,000,000.00 a year on lobbyists.  Apparently this has resulted in zoning changing for stadiums (stadii) and blackout rules for TV stations, among other things.  Wow!  I don’t think they’d bother trying to convince me but there are some lobbies that might be able to sway me.  Sadly, I couldn’t find a chocolate lobby.  However, the American Mosquito Control Association spent $40,000.00 in 2013,  Now why would they need to have someone in Washington to convince Congress that we need to control mosquitoes?

I’m not surprised that big donors include medical and insurance lobbies.  But the major lobbyist in the country turns out to be the Chamber of Commerce.  How do all those chambers agree on what laws they want to lobby for?  Still, they can take me out to lunch and explain.

The one that seemed the most interesting to me, if there is no chocolate lobby is The National Association for the Self-Employed.   They offer tips on grants and perks one can get to start a business.  As a member of the Senate, I’d probably be a member of that.  All the same, the $580,810.00 they spent in lobbying could have bought a lot of startups.

Another thing I didn’t know was that there are businesses who hire out their expertise in lobbying, so it’s hard to tell just why this guy is in my office again and if he (most seem to me male) really cares about the interest he’s pitching.

It all rather reminds me of the people at Louis XIV’s court who hung around fighting for the privilege of emptying his chamber pot and getting a chance to put in a good word for their family or cause.

Sorry, guys;  if I’m elected, I’m holding out for chocolate.


No, I didn’t die.  When I lost the 2012 election, I wrote another book, which will be out in April.  However, I have been begged, well, asked, well it’s been suggested that the 2014 election is coming up and that it was time to restart my campaign.  After all, as I go about asking for votes, I can also promote the book.  I’ve always believed that the tax laws for writers are generous because so many members of congress intend to write books once they leave the Senate.  I intend to make no changes to this excellent arrangement.

I am going to introduce bills that promote education, particularly in the area of correct grammar.  No one should be let out of high school unless they know when to use ‘less’ and when ‘fewer’.  Students should also have a clear understanding of the apostrophe.  Fines shall be imposed on media representatives and government officials for each grammar error they make in public.  Sloppy speech should only be in private and between consenting adults.  At no time should children be exposed to adjectives in adverbial settings.

Of course, there are other matters of importance that I shall address in the course of the campaign.  But the base of civilization is the clear exchange of ideas and opinions.  The foundation under this base is grammar.

So, here I am again, asking for you to write in my name as Senator at Large.  One term only; I’m in it for the benefits.  Failing that, considering pre-ordering my next book, which is as close to a political statement as I’m likely to make.

The story of the first Queen of Crusader Jerusalem and the world in which she lived.  April 2014

The story of the first Queen of Crusader Jerusalem and the world in which she lived. April 2014