I haven’t been promoting my campaign for a while.  Let’s face it, there’s so much no one is bothering to talk about because no one has a clue what’s going on.  Well, I’ve come up with one important foreign policy rule that I would encourage.  When sending anyone to Russia to negotiate with or even just stand next to Vladimir Putin, make sure they are less than 5′ 5″.  I am not the first to notice that his petite frame might be the cause of his determination to take over neighboring countries.  

This is more important that we might think.  Looking at history, which I do most of the time, one realizes that those other short megalomaniacs, Napoleon and Hitler, were defeated by the Russian winter.  Well, Putin has that one licked already.  Therefore, I say, be sensitive to his feelings.  Put him among other short people.  Show that a smaller leader and a smaller Russia are good things to be respected.  Stress quality over size.  Maybe Vladimir will become happier with himself and go back to hang gliding rather than invading.

If I’m elected, I’ll do my best to arrange photos of politicians by height, maybe putting the shorter ones on boxes to even things up.  I’m going to stand next to the biggest person I can find, because I’d rather feel less conspicuous.  Hmmm… not a good trait in a politician.  Good thing I’m only running for the perks.